“Help, she wants me to tie her up!” – BDSM for good guys

You’ve had a few exciting dates and you’re starting to get to know each other better. It turns out that you’re a great match! Soon, you end up in bed together. You kiss and undress slowly, you grab the condom, and she grabs her leather whip. Wait… What?

Nowadays, we’re much more open to sharing our sexual preferences than before. However, there’s still a taboo about certain kinks and fetishes. If she pulls a whip out of nowhere, it’s not surprising that it might startle you a bit. But is BDSM really something to be afraid of? And is it really as unfriendly to women as you think?

BDSM in a nutshell

BDSM stands for Bondage and discipline (BD), dominance and submission (DS) and sadomasochism (SM). It may involve restricting a person’s movement by means of rope, cuffs, or restrictive clothing, giving or following commands (with punishment or reward), exercising or submitting to power and/or inflicting or suffering pain.

That may sound pretty intense, but BDSM is, in a way, a role-playing game. How it’s played depends on your preferences. While one person finds it sexy to be blindfolded or to be spanked, the other loves to tease or humiliate their partner. You can’t know what she wants until you talk about it together!

“The same applies to BDSM: don’t judge a book by its cover!

Why BDSM is also for good guys

You may be a little unsure about it. When you try it out, it can be a little uncomfortable at first. But by discussing each other’s wishes and boundaries, you can be sure you know what you’re getting into. And if your partner likes it, you’re doing her a favour by engaging in it! So what’s disrespectful about that?

As with all other sexual activities, it’s important to be open with each other. After all, it’s all about each other’s pleasure! By playing a certain role and living out your fantasy, you can reach new heights. And again: just because she wants to do something with BDSM, doesn’t necessarily mean she’s expecting something extreme from you.

Also read: Tips for first time BDSM

What should I do?

Start by talking to each other. Ask yourself about your own secret fantasies, and find out what activities you’re both interested in trying out. Does the role of dominant (dom) or submissive (sub) suit you? What fantasies do you have in common?

If you let each other take the lead, you can also gradually discover what you do and don’t enjoy. Buy a BDSM beginners’ set and discover together what works for you. If necessary, agree on a safe word, in case things happen that someone isn’t comfortable with. You can always put the naughty game on pause!

• 
  Small Leather Flogger
  Easytoys Fetish Collection
  £17.99 £10.99
• 
  First. Kinky [S]Experience Starter Set
  Loveboxxx
  £51.99 £34.99

Even after a hot session, it’s wise to take a moment to reflect on it together. In this way, you can bring each other back to reality and ensure that you’re both emotionally and physically well. Are you meeting each other’s desires? Nobody has to know exactly what to do from the get-go.

He who doesn’t dare…

Unless you really don’t like it… give it a chance! Give each other the opportunity to discover and try out new things. That way, a session of vanilla sex is also a breath of fresh air! Open up and your sex will not only become more intimate – your relationship will also deepen. At the same time: what doesn’t work, doesn’t work. You should only do something if you’re both willing to do it.

Do you have any good tips for learning BDSM? Share it in the comments!